Skip to main content

Front Row Seat

 


If you've been around me any length of time, you'll know I love having a front row seat when possible. Church. Concerts. Comedy shows. Auctions. I want to be front and center, where the action is, so I don't get distracted and miss something. I want to be part of the event and front is where it's at. 

Lately I've had a front row seat to some things that I wish I could unsee. My mother's Alzheimer's diagnosis and the last year and a half of watching her slow and steady decline into a world of unknowns has taken a toll. 

I tend to hold every emotion inside. Always have. I've learned -these past fifteen months or so- that this is bad for my health. Stress levels are impacting how I feel. Palpitations, and a diagnosis of "harmless" PACs, have left me trying to manage this stress. It's gotten easier but, I'll admit, I still have things shoved down inside.

And then along came CDH. A diagnosis I'd not heard of before it was given to grandson #3. "A hole in his diaphragm," is the easiest way to describe it. Organs move up into the chest in utero. Testing. More testing. Deciding whether to operate before or after birth.

He arrived on April 19th. World CDH Awareness day. How apropos. Little guy was immediately taken for observation and testing and stabilization. Seeing pictures of a days-old infant attached to tubes and wires and machines is not the normal welcome into this world. 

My front row seat isn't as enjoyable right now as it has been. Tears trickle out most days now. Daily updates make my heart pound. 

But.

God is still good. It's during these moments that I have a choice. Do I run to Him and place my hopes and fears in His hands or do I let anger rule my thoughts? No, it's not fair. But what part of life is fair? It's in these times we need to remind ourselves that God is faithful, always has been and will continue to be. My crisis does not affect who He is. He is still God and is still in control.



 We got to FaceTime the little one last night. Shortly afterwards he had some issues and a team of doctors tended to him. His surgery is scheduled for this Friday - they will open his chest and move all of the organs (including his heart) back to where they should be, and then close the hole in the diaphragm. 

The reality of my front row seat shakes me these days. The seat is uncomfortable and it doesn't seem to fit me. I want to trade it in for a seat that doesn't leave splinters and bruises, but it's the only one around for now....

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Selling items on Craigslist and common scams

I'm selling a couple of things on Craigslist. I've done this a few times before and always, the first interested parties I hear from are scammers. This time in my listing I specified that I will not take money orders and asked that scammers not contact me. Here's the first interested party that I heard from: mr robins journeycristina@gmail.com Is it still available for sale... I replied: Yes it is. Here's the second contact from the first interested party. Note that the name of the sender and the email of the sender are different than the ones from the first contact: Clyde Wright fisherr.mattyy@gmail.com Hello, Thanks for the swift response, just to let you know that am okay with the condition and price of the item, am ready for its purchase and my form of payment will be by sending you Check via UPS next day delivery. I'll be responsible for the pick-up and the pick up money will be included in your payment to avoid delay and to enable pick up company to s...
28 comments
Read more

Sweet Zoey

 Zoey - August 10, 2020 When we found her I didn't realize I needed her. Sure, she needed us, she was living in woods, alone, surviving on whatever she could find. She was nine months old, the vet later told me when I took her in for a check-up, still unsure I wanted to keep this undernourished mutt. We'd been on vacation in southwest Missouri, near the Arkansas border, in the middle of the woods. I was on the porch when I saw her trotting down the dirt road. A little brown dog. I whistled and she stopped to look at me from across the lawn. Then she continued on her way. Later that night, the family was watching a movie we'd brought (no cable service out there!) and suddenly this furry face popped up in the window, scaring my husband out of his seat. We fed her some people food and went to bed.  She was still there in the morning. We asked around and no one knew where she came from. We fed her some more and she stayed. The next day we went and bought some dog food, f...
5 comments
Read more