Skip to main content

Front Row Seat


If you've been around me any length of time, you'll know I love having a front row seat when possible. Church. Concerts. Comedy shows. Auctions. I want to be front and center, where the action is, so I don't get distracted and miss something. I want to be part of the event and front is where it's at. 

Lately I've had a front row seat to some things that I wish I could unsee. My mother's Alzheimer's diagnosis and the last year and a half of watching her slow and steady decline into a world of unknowns has taken a toll. 

I tend to hold every emotion inside. Always have. I've learned -these past fifteen months or so- that this is bad for my health. Stress levels are impacting how I feel. Palpitations, and a diagnosis of "harmless" PACs, have left me trying to manage this stress. It's gotten easier but, I'll admit, I still have things shoved down inside.

And then along came CDH. A diagnosis I'd not heard of before it was given to grandson #3. "A hole in his diaphragm," is the easiest way to describe it. Organs move up into the chest in utero. Testing. More testing. Deciding whether to operate before or after birth.

He arrived on April 19th. World CDH Awareness day. How apropos. Little guy was immediately taken for observation and testing and stabilization. Seeing pictures of a days-old infant attached to tubes and wires and machines is not the normal welcome into this world. 

My front row seat isn't as enjoyable right now as it has been. Tears trickle out most days now. Daily updates make my heart pound. 


God is still good. It's during these moments that I have a choice. Do I run to Him and place my hopes and fears in His hands or do I let anger rule my thoughts? No, it's not fair. But what part of life is fair? It's in these times we need to remind ourselves that God is faithful, always has been and will continue to be. My crisis does not affect who He is. He is still God and is still in control.

 We got to FaceTime the little one last night. Shortly afterwards he had some issues and a team of doctors tended to him. His surgery is scheduled for this Friday - they will open his chest and move all of the organs (including his heart) back to where they should be, and then close the hole in the diaphragm. 

The reality of my front row seat shakes me these days. The seat is uncomfortable and it doesn't seem to fit me. I want to trade it in for a seat that doesn't leave splinters and bruises, but it's the only one around for now....


Popular posts from this blog

Don't Go Breaking His Heart

Years ago I spent some time disguised as the church secretary.  I know, you're trying to picture it. Trust me, it was rough. While my husband may be my dream man he was definitely not my dream boss . Nor was I a dream secretary. Being self-employed is what I was created for. Well, that and the ability to make really good apple cake. On one of these days the church door was left unlocked and I was alone in the building (which takes on a creepy edge when you're alone there, just saying) and in wandered a sobbing woman. Being the one to see who entered (read: since I was alone) I met her in the entryway and she fell into my arms.  I sensed she needed to talk. We sat in the sanctuary and she poured her heart out. She'd just found out her husband was cheating on her. She was devastated. She cried and talked for a long time and I encouraged her as best I could. I prayed with her and thought that was the end, but she started regularly attending the church and I got to know her. Sh

2022 Favorite Things

I missed last year but have compiled a list that is for 2021-2022.  Most of these things are edible ha ha.  Magnesium is something that most of us are lacking. This Calm Creme by Lemongrass Spa (Yes, I am still a consultant but I don't do parties anymore) is an excellent way to get magnesium. I was making my own magnesium lotion until they came out tight this. It is available in the lavender/vanilla scent or peppermint. Use on feet, legs or anywhere with sore muscles or cramps.  I actually found this stuff in 2021 and have since forgotten about it. Milk Street coffee sugars. They have several different varieties but we liked this one best. Really good in tea (or coffee, if you're into that....) Savannah Bee Honey. Whipped Cinnamon. I have tried other brands of whipped cinnamon honey (trying to save some money because this stuff is $18 a bottle) but they cannot compare. These people know what they are doing and this stuff is amazing.  Uh yeah. They make it in chocolate too. This

New Year, New House, New You?

  Over the course of my nearly twenty-nine year marriage I've moved to different houses fourteen times. At the onset of nearly all of those moves I thought about how the new home would make everything better. That being in different walls would solve all of my angst. It wasn't until the past couple moves (the last one being nine years ago) that I realized the only thing that was going to change was my address because I'm a human with issues and I take those issues with me everywhere I go. Life is a little like that though. We observe others and compare our lives to theirs.  "If my house was bigger I could _____ just like they do."  "If we had more room we would get along better."      "If our house was newer it would look better." The truth is that rarely does changing our surrounding change anything else. We are still the same messy person we were before. We still have the same marriage issues we had before. We still struggle with our diets. W