Suzanne Schaffer

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." -Philippians 4:8 (New Living Translation) What fills your mind?  You might say that you're fine, your thought life is as it should be. You don't read trashy romance novels, you aren't into porn, you don't listen to music with nasty lyrics. You might even say that you do some of those things but that they don't have any impact on your thought life. Okay, but that's not where I was going with this one. What fills your mind when you see other married couples?  Do you wish that your spouse was more like him because he treats his wife better than your husband treats you? Do you watch your neighbor's husband take out the trash and wish that your husband would do that? Does your boss always remember to send his wife flowers ...

I see you now. You look just like the woman pictured above. Yes, I said we are going to talk about sex. Married sex. Between a man and a woman. The way that God intended it to be. Side note here: I believe that sex is for married people. For a man and his wife. I believe that is the way God made us. I mean, the parts fit together don't they? They don't work any other way. Just saying. It has been brought to my attention that some of you ladies out there are not having sex with your husbands.  For months.  Trust me, this is not something that you want to do. How do I know this?  Your man is screaming out for attention and he is talking to his friends about it.  "It's been over nine months..." - said by the man who knew the exact date of the last time with his wife. "It's been since our last child was born..." - said by the man with a child that is years old.  I understand that you're not happy in your marriage, but guess what...

If I could go back in time and change any one thing it would be to stay out of debt. Granted, there were some things that were out of our control in the early days. In one year we needed a new septic tank, a new furnace, and we didn't know that our taxes were not included in our mortgage. This all happened in our first year and a half of marriage. That is not a good way to start out. I wish that Dave Ramsey had written Total Money Makeover twenty years earlier. I wish that we had not indulged in so many lunch buffet meals at T he Nittany Lion Inn. I wish that we hadn't felt like we needed to get everyone expensive Christmas presents. From Sears. Because we had a store credit card. I wish someone had told me that if I didn't have the cash for something then I didn't need to buy it. Want to save your marriage? Want to eliminate stress from your home? Stay out of debt. Does it really matter if you buy that new gadget?  It doesn't. You don't need it...

We've talked an awful lot about what things not to do and what to avoid in order to guard your marriage. It's time to lighten things up and talk about some things that are good to do to guard your marriage.  It is important to spend time together. Just the two of you. No matter how long you've been married. Life interrupts relationships and unless you are keeping up with each other you will lose each other. Kids happen. Jobs happen. Debt happens. Sickness happens. Leaky roofs happen.  Car accidents happen. And the list goes on. Just like any other relationship, you get out of it what you put into it. Wayne and I don't have a perfect marriage, because we are just two people, but we are committed to making it work. We regularly take time each week to go out to lunch or dinner together. Since he is a sports nut and I am not, food is one thing that we can enjoy together. We have eaten in some fantastic restaurants all over the country. Date night doesn...

At first glace that picture is a little funny. And then you realize how serious it is. Daddy is into porn. He is destroying his family. I've talked about this before, how porn ruins lives. It is utterly destructive, there is nothing positive about it. It has fueled a sex-slave industry, even here in our own country. Women are being lured into a life that they never imagined, that they don't want. Once in there is rarely a way to get out. When Wayne and I were first married, within the first week, we traveled from Pennsylvania to Phoenix where we would make our home. Being young and poor, we stayed with friends and family along the way (and one very seedy cheap hotel that still makes me shiver). At one stop we stayed with a couple that were friends of his in Bible college, they were now pastoring a small church. I remember sitting in the living room and having this pastor's wife hand me a Victoria's Secret catalog, she said, "Go ahead, look at it together, i...

Oh the ideals young couples have. Get married, become a solid force. Become one. And then life begins and soon many of them are caving to outside influences, and some of those seemingly innocent influences can tear your marriage apart, leaving one spouse angry and hurt and the other completely clueless as to what is happening. I'm talking about mom. I've been blessed in my marriage to have parents on both sides that care and support and even offer advice without being intrusive and overbearing. There is a difference. Too many marriages are torn apart because the 1+1=1 equation is more like trying to have a man+wife+his mom+her mom=?  That will never equal one. When you get married you form your own family entity.  Your family is now your spouse and later on will include your children until you let them go. Your extended family will always still be there, but your focus should now be the person that you are married to.   Men, do not let your mother decid...

The side hug has gotten a bad rap. It's actually quite useful. The Duggar Family popularized it last year when Jill was dating courting what's-his-name (who she's now married to) A lot of people made fun of them, but Jim Bob and Michelle are quite wise in their insistence of their children side-hugging only. It's because our bodies are different. And when you hug something different you feel different things. I think I explained it well, but for those of you who don't get it, women have curves and breasts and when we hug men they feel them. And whether you (women) know it or not, it does something to men. It's like they have hormones that are on high alert to women's body parts. If you don't believe me then you aren't married. Because all it takes is a little brush of their arm against your breast and they are ready to go. To safeguard your marriage you should make it a rule that you never full-on hug someone of the opposite sex. This doe...

We've discussed that creepy feeling that you get from a man. Now let's discuss that feeling that you get from another woman. Girls, be alert, there are women out there checking out your husband. Some look once and move on but others have more in mind. This tends to happen with people in ministry positions. I keep a careful eye on who gets close to my husband. Several years ago I watched a young woman approach him for prayer, he put his hands on her shoulders to pray for her and she placed her hands on his sides, at his middle. It was odd and inappropriate, his body is not for anyone to touch but me. It's mine.  I walked up and stood behind him and took both of her hands in mine and held them while he prayed. I've gotten used to many women hugging him, most of them don't mean anything by it and it doesn't bother me, but there's always one who gives you a feeling. Listen to that feeling. And tell him who it is that is giving you that feeling. He ...

We've all had that experience, but have you had that creepy feeling from a man who wasn't really a creepy man? Every time I've had that feeling I've later learned something that backed it up. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. There's that man who just looks at you a little too intently. He's married, you're married, and it just feels...off. Listen to that feeling. There were several men who gave me this feeling when we lived in Illinois. They've all since had affairs and have gotten divorced. Listen to that feeling. More recently there was a man who gave me this feeling and I mentioned it to my husband. He didn't get it (they rarely do, unfortunately) and he told me that this man, we will call him Abe for this story, just looked at everyone this way. Until he overheard this married man talking one day. Abe was admiring a young woman that they both knew and Abe said, "If I wasn't already married I'd go after her....

When you get married you want a happily-ever-after. You dream of how it will be.  Sort of like this cartoon:  Aren't they the cutest couple? They grow old together and are still smiling. What you don't see are all of the days in between. A successful marriage is one in which both the husband and the wife work daily to guard their hearts and preserve their vows. Some steps that we take to guard our marriage are: He doesn't counsel women alone, I am always with him. If I am unable to be there for an unforeseen reason then his secretary is close by or he is in a room with a security camera. This is just common sense.  We don't go anywhere alone with someone of the opposite sex. We don't have secrets on social networking. My accounts are open for him to see whatever he wants to and I have access to his. The same goes with our cell phones. We don't "friend" people on Facebook that the other is uncomfortable with. I have very few male friend...