Guarding Your Marriage: That Creepy Feeling

We've all had that experience, but have you had that creepy feeling from a man who wasn't really a creepy man?

Every time I've had that feeling I've later learned something that backed it up.

Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. There's that man who just looks at you a little too intently. He's married, you're married, and it just
Listen to that feeling.

There were several men who gave me this feeling when we lived in Illinois. They've all since had affairs and have gotten divorced.

Listen to that feeling.

More recently there was a man who gave me this feeling and I mentioned it to my husband. He didn't get it (they rarely do, unfortunately) and he told me that this man, we will call him Abe for this story, just looked at everyone this way.

Until he overheard this married man talking one day. Abe was admiring a young woman that they both knew and Abe said, "If I wasn't already married I'd go after her." 

Um, ew.
Dude, you're married. You have no right to be looking at another woman and speaking things like this about her. Not only that but you claim to be a Christian man.
Double ew.

It was then that my husband understood why I was uncomfortable around Abe. The more he watched and observed he began to see the same things that I was seeing. Another friend confided in me about conversations that she had with Abe in which he was complaining to her about his wife. Huge red flag right there. My friend was smart enough to not say anything and flee from that conversation as quickly as she could.

Abe is obviously unhappy in his situation and this is a recipe for destruction. 

If you get that feeling from someone, listen to it. That is one huge way that you can protect your marriage.

There was an old man at our church in Illinois (and I know I've shared this story before so if you don't want to read it again then skip ahead) who gave me this feeling. He would greet me at the door and look me up and down and smile and tell me how pretty I was.
"You're the prettiest pastor's wife we've ever had."
"You don't need to lose any more weight, you look really good."
And so on.
I started to avoid him because it was so creepy and inappropriate. At one point he complained to my mother during a visit, saying that I didn't talk to any of the old people, only the young people. I clarified to her that it was only him that I avoided because he was so downright disgusting.

Be careful who you engage with. If you get those bad vibes then avoid those people. It is much better that you hurt their feelings than if you destroy your marriage.

Have you experienced these feelings? What have you done to escape them?



  1. There is a man who has said things to me that are similar to your "older man" story. I just tried to ignore it. His son asked me one time about it. It actually pretty much stopped recently. Wondering if someone said something to him.

    1. It's pretty bad when your kids notice!

  2. Don't you think most women have a sixth sense about this? A man like this is constantly throwing out bait to see if a woman will bite. Sadly, many women ....Christian women, are in love starved marriages, and a man like this just boosts their egos. They both begin to feed off of each other. Healthy marriages, where lots of love abounds, run from these advances. It is all very sad.

    1. I would like to think that most women do but I'm not sure they do. Sad.


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