I woke feeling worthless today. It's likely the perfect storm of wintery weather, hormones, a dichotomy on the scale, and the nagging cold that won't let go.
I explained it to my friend this way, "I feel like a coin in a tin can. Rattling around and making a lot of noise but not doing anything worthwhile."
All this a couple days after someone fussed over me, "Oh Suzanne, you're so awesome," she said excitedly.
I don't like being fussed over. My close friends and family know this. It makes me very uncomfortable and gives me time to think about how un-awesome I am because I know myself better than anyone else does.
I see my faults and failures. I see the ugly hiding in my heart. I see the attitude that needs changed. I see the unmet expectations and the quiet harbor I find in closing myself in a shell.
Today has been full of cold wind, unending housework, and loads of self-doubt.
I wore my inflatable crown while I ironed my husband's shirts. After all, today is the type of day I bought it for. The type of day when I need to be reminded of my worth.
My worth comes in nothing of myself. There is nothing I can do or not do that makes me worth anything. My worth only comes in knowing I am unconditionally loved by my Creator. The simple fact that Jesus loves me without reason makes me want to peek out from my self-built harbor and embrace the day, no matter what it holds. When I'm tired and weary I need only reach my hand to Him. He will meet me and hold me. He will fill me with strength to complete the day. When I take my eyes off of me and what I see as worthless and allow Him to be my focus He changes the direction of my thoughts and shows me who I am.
I am loved - Psalm 103:11
I am beautiful - 1 Peter 3:3-4
I am wonderful - Psalms 139:14
I am worth dying for - John 3:16
I am valuable - Luke 12:7
Emotions rise and fall and feelings can be deceitful. The truth outlasts the lie.