Years ago I spent some time disguised as the church secretary.
I know, you're trying to picture it. Trust me, it was rough. While my husband may be my dream man he was definitely not my dream boss. Nor was I a dream secretary. Being self-employed is what I was created for. Well, that and the ability to make really good apple cake.
On one of these days the church door was left unlocked and I was alone in the building (which takes on a creepy edge when you're alone there, just saying) and in wandered a sobbing woman. Being the one to see who entered (read: since I was alone) I met her in the entryway and she fell into my arms.
I sensed she needed to talk.
We sat in the sanctuary and she poured her heart out. She'd just found out her husband was cheating on her. She was devastated. She cried and talked for a long time and I encouraged her as best I could. I prayed with her and thought that was the end, but she started regularly attending the church and I got to know her. She was fun and bubbly and broken.
I found I really liked spending time with her (let's call her Jenn). Jenn kept me updated on what was happening at home and what evidence she had of her husband's cheating. Over time the ache became less but she was still bruised. One Sunday she came to church, excited to tell me that she met someone online and was going on a date with him.
I stopped her right there, "You're still married." Her questioned look assured me my words, hadn't registered. "Jenn, you're still married, you have no right to be going on dates. You're doing the same thing to your husband that he did to you."
She didn't see it that way. I don't remember much about her after that, she didn't confide in me anymore because she didn't like what I had to say. I've found that people generally don't want to be faced with the truth of their sin. It looks better on others than it does on ourselves. Painting ourselves as victims of sin results in a prettier image than seeing ourselves stained with it.
The Bible has plenty to say about adultery and other sexual sins (including fornication, but that's another topic for another day) but I think one of the main reasons it teaches so much about it is because the marriage covenant is held in such high regard.
Reasoning in ourselves will tell us that God wants us to be happy, yet nowhere in His word does He concern himself with our happiness. He wants us to be holy. Obedient. And filled with the fruit of the spirit. Following His word will result in deep joy, which is different than happiness. Happiness is fleeting, joy is steadfast. We get too caught up in emotions and in our present that we overlook or negate His desire for our lives.
If Jenn was more eager to chase the Lord than she was to chase a relationship with a man she would have been fulfilled. That man she met on the dating website, if he was who God intended for her, would still be there after her divorce was final. This little compromise, while acceptable to the world, breaks God's heart. We cannot be held responsible for the actions -sins- of others, but we are responsible for how we respond to them.
If you're in this situation I urge you to be steadfast and true. Cling to the word of God and who He is. If you're broken, allow Him to mend you. Be still. He isn't through with you yet. Don't allow yourself to fall victim to the lies of the world. Her ways are different than His.
I haven't heard from Jenn in years. Rumor has it she met a man on a dating site and is living the dream on his farm. I'm currently living the dream in my home office where the only person I have to answer to regarding my job is myself. ;)