Suzanne Schaffer

Ouch. Negative people are so hard to be around. They can try to suck the life out of even the happiest of people.  No one is going to steal my joy though.  Go ahead, embrace your cactus, sit on it.  When I'm handed a cactus I just deal with it and move on. It's life.

That cartoon is kind of funny, is it not? Though for a pastor's wife it is also kind of true. There have been a couple of people over the past 22+ years in ministry that I've wanted to throttle. But God took care of them, more on that later. This is what unkind words said about your pastor can do: First of all, they reflect back onto you. Everyone knows that someone given to gossip will talk about anyone. All you have to do is give them ammunition and watch them go.  Unkind words about your pastor can damage your church, not only within its walls, but in your community. Yes, your pastor is human and will do human things (just like you do...) but he is trying to live his life in a way that is pleasing to God (just like you should be doing...) What does it tell your community when they hear you talking bad about your pastor? They already think that Christians are hateful, don't give them more lies to believe. Your words can interfere with his vision for the church. ...

Oh the ideals young couples have. Get married, become a solid force. Become one. And then life begins and soon many of them are caving to outside influences, and some of those seemingly innocent influences can tear your marriage apart, leaving one spouse angry and hurt and the other completely clueless as to what is happening. I'm talking about mom. I've been blessed in my marriage to have parents on both sides that care and support and even offer advice without being intrusive and overbearing. There is a difference. Too many marriages are torn apart because the 1+1=1 equation is more like trying to have a man+wife+his mom+her mom=?  That will never equal one. When you get married you form your own family entity.  Your family is now your spouse and later on will include your children until you let them go. Your extended family will always still be there, but your focus should now be the person that you are married to.   Men, do not let your mother decid...

This is the bookshelf in my bedroom. I have it organized so I know where the books are that I need to review, where the books are that I'm keeping because I loved them so much, and where the others that I just need to read sometime are. When it's time to pick a new book sometimes I can walk right up to my shelf and grab one. Other times I need to sit down on the floor and peruse every single one. And it can take me a while. If there's nothing there that is appealing at that moment then I'll go through the pages of books on my Kindle and see if one of those jumps out. Some of these books have been on my shelf for eight years. Because I know once I start reading them that I'll love them and then it'll be over. Sigh.

The side hug has gotten a bad rap. It's actually quite useful. The Duggar Family popularized it last year when Jill was dating courting what's-his-name (who she's now married to) A lot of people made fun of them, but Jim Bob and Michelle are quite wise in their insistence of their children side-hugging only. It's because our bodies are different. And when you hug something different you feel different things. I think I explained it well, but for those of you who don't get it, women have curves and breasts and when we hug men they feel them. And whether you (women) know it or not, it does something to men. It's like they have hormones that are on high alert to women's body parts. If you don't believe me then you aren't married. Because all it takes is a little brush of their arm against your breast and they are ready to go. To safeguard your marriage you should make it a rule that you never full-on hug someone of the opposite sex. This doe...

This store does look charming, original, and creative. And it may well be. But I will never know for sure. We visited recently while out of town and from the moment we stepped in the door we were assaulted by the most annoying sales clerk that I have ever met. Well, maybe not quite as annoying as the one I've dubbed Window-Man. Or the one trying to sell us a sealant for our basement. Or the one at the time share place in Williamsburg. Okay, those were all men. This was a woman. The most annoying sales woman that I've ever met. She followed us around and went into a long monologue about what the store was about, why it exists, who founded it, and so on and so on and so on. I couldn't think she was so nonstoptalkingwithouttakingabreath. We finally escaped to a side room and I told my husband, "If she says one more word to us I am out of here." And as I had a moment of silence to browse, she appeared around the corner. She had a teddy bear in hand and pu...

Someone recently had on Facebook that their goal for 2015 was to not be offended.  What a wonderful idea. I think I'll do that too. This does not give you free reign to spout off whatever you'd like to about me though. Because that would be mean. People get too easily offended anymore.  "She said she doesn't like  (whatever)  and I do so that must  mean that she doesn't like me." Can I roll my eyes here? Maybe it's that after over twenty years in ministry that I am not easily offended anymore. I've had some rotten things said and done to me by church people and other "Christians". So much that I take it all with a grain of salt now.  But what would the world be like if we all decided to not be offended anymore? Most likely, the person offending you has no idea that they've done it. Let me say that again.  Most likely, the person that has offended you has no idea that they have done it. We don't wake up and won...

We've discussed that creepy feeling that you get from a man. Now let's discuss that feeling that you get from another woman. Girls, be alert, there are women out there checking out your husband. Some look once and move on but others have more in mind. This tends to happen with people in ministry positions. I keep a careful eye on who gets close to my husband. Several years ago I watched a young woman approach him for prayer, he put his hands on her shoulders to pray for her and she placed her hands on his sides, at his middle. It was odd and inappropriate, his body is not for anyone to touch but me. It's mine.  I walked up and stood behind him and took both of her hands in mine and held them while he prayed. I've gotten used to many women hugging him, most of them don't mean anything by it and it doesn't bother me, but there's always one who gives you a feeling. Listen to that feeling. And tell him who it is that is giving you that feeling. He ...

We've all had that experience, but have you had that creepy feeling from a man who wasn't really a creepy man? Every time I've had that feeling I've later learned something that backed it up. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. There's that man who just looks at you a little too intently. He's married, you're married, and it just feels...off. Listen to that feeling. There were several men who gave me this feeling when we lived in Illinois. They've all since had affairs and have gotten divorced. Listen to that feeling. More recently there was a man who gave me this feeling and I mentioned it to my husband. He didn't get it (they rarely do, unfortunately) and he told me that this man, we will call him Abe for this story, just looked at everyone this way. Until he overheard this married man talking one day. Abe was admiring a young woman that they both knew and Abe said, "If I wasn't already married I'd go after her....

  My daughter and I like to pick recipes from cookbooks, go to the store and buy the ingredients, and then come home and make something new. This is what we had last night. It was truly one of the best things I've ever tasted. So perfect.

 Wise words from a friend of mine. I asked permission to share with you all. Everyone has posted their New Year's Resolutions . Let's mix it up as I share with you 10 exciting things you can do to destroy your 2015... 1 - Get more in debt. Purchase things you don't need with money you don't have. Sleep on the bed that belongs to Visa, fully insure that brand new car since the dealer technically owns it. Wear those spring clothes that you will pay off in the summer when you want more. Sounds exciting!  2 - Find something to get addic ted to. Drink it, watch it, eat it, get obsessed with it. Perhaps something more subtle like video games, caffeine, working out or people pleasing. Walk around with a forced smile on your face because things are so out of control! 3 - Stop reading your Bible, pray inconsistently and ignore the still small voice of the Holy Spirit. I understand that you are really busy and it will all work out at the end of th...

When you get married you want a happily-ever-after. You dream of how it will be.  Sort of like this cartoon:  Aren't they the cutest couple? They grow old together and are still smiling. What you don't see are all of the days in between. A successful marriage is one in which both the husband and the wife work daily to guard their hearts and preserve their vows. Some steps that we take to guard our marriage are: He doesn't counsel women alone, I am always with him. If I am unable to be there for an unforeseen reason then his secretary is close by or he is in a room with a security camera. This is just common sense.  We don't go anywhere alone with someone of the opposite sex. We don't have secrets on social networking. My accounts are open for him to see whatever he wants to and I have access to his. The same goes with our cell phones. We don't "friend" people on Facebook that the other is uncomfortable with. I have very few male friend...

I've always loved doing my own nails. I was slightly obsessed with it during the summer between 8th and 9th grade. I'd do my nails several times a day. That's when I fell in love with glitter polish. Thankfully, it's made a comeback. The 90s were painfully bleak. Since artificial nails came on the scene I have never had any. I manage to keep mine at a length that's long enough for them to look nice (with glitter!), it used to be that there was only one way to have nails put on but now you can choose from several styles. Do you like any of these? Note: These are not my nails.    I don't like this one, they look too square and weird. I haven't seen these anywhere other than online so hopefully it's a fad that doesn't take off. I first saw this style on Pinterest several months ago, I thought it was creepy then, and now I've seen it pop up on Instagram on Giada De Laurentiis (who I used to follow but recently quit follow...

Oh, Taylor Swift, your Shake It Off song has done more for my attitude than Let It Go ever did. Both have a good message, one that we probably should have learned in junior high. Facebook drama never dies, does it?  Jealousy emerges as a nasty enemy behind the scenes and sometimes jumps through hoops to be heard. Recent events have empowered me to say aloud, "You know what? I'm just done with you." and it's absolutely 100% okay to cut people free from your life. It has nothing to do with being unforgiving or unloving. Sometimes you can love better from afar.